


Happy Birthday

by chailover



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Anal Beads, Birthday Sex, DGM Kink Meme, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Kanda Yuu Swears a Lot, M/M, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Under Clothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailover/pseuds/chailover
Summary: For dgmkinkmeme:Prompt: Lavi/Yuu; anal beads on Yuu.
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Lavi, Lavi & Allen Walker, lenalee lee/Allen walker (implied)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Original notes: Not worksafe!
> 
> Now notes: (no shit, not worksafe, past me...) Archiving some older things that I used to have on LJ only, batch...whatever. The dgmkinkmeme has been deleted/defunct for a long time now, but I had a lot of fun with the prompts I had worked on. More to come, I guess... Actually I realized a lot later that most of the kinkmeme stuff made it to my ff.net too, so good job, past me? One of the few actual porn things I wrote. *shrug* Er, please do not take fics as sex guides, though, it goes without saying.

**

Lavi's birthday had just taken a turn for the extremely strange.

It had been a fairly normal day, with Bookman keeping him busy writing records for most of the morning. Lavi had known that there was going to be a party (the Order loved parties and any excuse to have them) but pretended that he had no clue. Allen and Linali managed to even drag him out to the city after he finished the records, and they spent the day window-shopping and just relaxing. Lavi made sure to act appropriately surprised when they returned to find that the entire mess hall had been redecorated (with giant banners that read 'Happy Birthday, Lavi!') and enough food to feed an army (which was actually just barely enough food to feed everyone at the Order and Allen).

Lavi was slightly disappointed when the party went on without a certain exorcist showing up. Kanda had a mission, but was supposed to be back that night. Upon further consideration, as Lavi was opening presents, he figured that it was probably just as well - He had sent Kanda off with something that had seemed like a good idea at the time (a hilariously good idea), but in hindsight it probably would just piss Kanda off. Lavi might have best-friend-with-benefits status with the other exorcist, but he knew that Kanda pathologically took _everything_ the wrong way, and he had only meant it as a joke.

He shrugged inwardly - with any luck, Kanda would've figured it was something dumb and tossed it out.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Kanda hadn't.

The party was winding down when the doors slammed open, admitting one Kanda Yuu, looking fit to kill. His glare swept over the small crowd of well-wishers and settled on Lavi. Lavi went ' _oh shit_ ' when he noticed the small cardboard box in the exorcist's hand. Kanda strode over and a part of Lavi's brain (The part not going "Oh, my god, he is going to kill me!") found the way that the space between them was cleared in an instant absolutely hilarious. Kanda as _Moses_ , parting the red sea. He couldn't help but feel a bit abandoned though, even Linali and Allen had taken a step back.

"What did you _do_?" Linali hissed. Before Lavi could answer, Kanda was in his face, and the abused box shoved in his chest so hard that he nearly fell over. Lavi scrambled and caught it before it fell, only to find that it was empty except for the folded note that he had put inside, days ago when he had given it to Kanda. That was a relief, given what he knew of its former contents.

"I hate you." Kanda snarled, then turned on his heel. Lavi narrowly avoided being blinded by slap-of-swinging-ponytail, and then the Red Sea (finders, exorcists, the science department, the cooking and cleaning crew, _everyone_ ) parted some more as Kanda stalked his way back out as suddenly (and dramatically) as he came.

There was a silence that lasted for all of five seconds after Kanda left. Then everyone started talking at once.

"It's your _birthday_! How could he!" That was Allen, being righteously indignant on his behalf.

"What did you do?" Linali asked again, giving the box a suspicious look.

"He made the gatekeeper cry!" That was one of the finders.

"That Kanda..." was the general consensus.

Lavi laughed nervously. "Well, he just got back from a mission, and we were being a bit loud. So, yeah."

"Still!" Allen huffed, looking like he had a mind to go beat Kanda up and drag him back to apologize. Lavi's heart swelled and he ruffled the white head. The beansprout was so cute.

"Don't worry about it," Lavi laughed. He rubbed the back of his neck and gave Linali an abashed smile. "I kinda...played a joke." He gestured to the box. "Made a nuisance of myself telling him it'll be my birthday when he gets back. He's probably just pissed at that."

Linali's suspicious look melted away into a rueful grin. "You never learn."

"But it's so FUN to piss him off!" Lavi countered. "Anyway, I think we should call it a night. I'll go apologize and hope that he forgives me." He pointed to Allen, "You. If I don't show up for breakfast, then Yuu's killed me and you'll have to tell Bookman to find another apprentice."

Linali laughed as the others started trickling out at Lavi's urging. Allen just looked worried. "Maybe I should go with you..." the younger exorcist murmured.

Lavi waved him off. "Don't worry about it. Good night, everyone, thanks for the party!"

A chorus of good-nights and happy-birthdays followed him out.

**

Lavi stopped in front of Kanda's door and took a deep breath. He had been joking about the being killed part, sort of. But the box was empty. That was a good sign.

"Yuu? Are you really mad at me or was that just your usual way of showing affection?"

The door opened and he was yanked inside by his collar. Lavi yelped and held his hands up, "I'm sorry it was a joke and I just turned nineteen and I don't want to die!!!"

Kanda glared.

Lavi realized that no part of his person was currently being threatened, by Mugen or otherwise. Kanda released his collar, slammed the door closed, and stomped over to the bed. He sat down and glared bloody murder at the red-head. The Bookman in training coughed, unsure of what to do next. His best-friend-with-benefits growled.

"Um." Lavi held up the box. It was pathetically crushed, forlornly empty. "It's my birthday and this box is empty. Are you my present?"

Kanda gave him an 'are you an idiot?' glare.

Lavi hissed as his mind took that as a 'yes' and all the blood rushed out of his brain into other areas. He had purchased them in a seedy seaside store after a mission, hiding them away like a guilty secret. It had been a whim, a fleeting thought of ' _Oh, that'd be hot_.' (followed immediately by ' _but that's not going to happen, ever_.'). The thought of those beads, inside his sometimes-lover (fuckbuddy? friend with benefits? 'Lover' sounded wrong)...

He meant it as a joke. REALLY.

Kanda's eyes narrowed as Lavi continued to fail at thinking. "This is stupid. If you're not going to do anything, then just show yourself out." he growled.

Lavi took a step back and groped for the doorknob. He found the lock after a few near misses and turned it. Kanda raised an eyebrow and apparently took that as a hint to continue.

"Wait!" Lavi found himself grabbing Kanda's wrists before he could start unzipping himself out of his exorcist uniform (he thought only Linali could move that fast, but apparently painful arousal did wonders for his physical prowess). "Wait. MY present. I get to unwrap."

"That was really intelligent." Kanda said sarcastically, but Lavi noticed (now that they were up close and personal) a faint flush on the other exorcist's cheeks. He pushed a little so Kanda would scoot back onto the bed to give Lavi room to kneel on it.

"How long...?" He didn't know whether to love or hate the designers of their current uniform. The leather was practically painted onto Kanda , and the zippers...he had too much of a thing for the zippers. Thankfully the sword belt was already off, so he worked at removing the outer belts instead. They mocked him with their tricky catches and he had to bat away Kanda's hands when he tried to help. "How long have you had them in...?"

Kanda was growling, his eyes dark. Maybe he wasn't as unaffected as he seemed, Lavi could now detect both the flush and slightly heavier breathing. "...you said, after the mission. So."

"You've had them in since..." Lavi yanked hard on those belts and something gave. Kanda snarled something about bloody murder for damaging his gear, but Lavi kissed him to shut him up. Yup, definitely not unaffected, Lavi noted, licking his lips. Usually Kanda didn't moan on the first kiss.

The belts were draped over the back of the bed. Lavi worked diligently and carefully (and maybe a little quickly too) with Kanda's boots, and his gloves and his hairtie. Kanda tried to kick him. "God dammit. Hurry _up_."

Lavi grinned. "My present." He purred, taking the tab of the zipper for the front of the uniform jacket in his teeth. Kanda looked horrified.

"Dammit. You're one of those people who refuse to rip the wrapping paper, aren't you?"

"Hmmmmm, I don't rip tape either," Lavi agreed, drawing down the tab of metal. Kanda was not wearing a shirt under the jacket, and in the uncertain light, his skin was starkly pale contrasted with the black and silver of the jacket, and the matte black of his tattoo. The sides of the jacket fell open, and Lavi blinked as a thought occurred to him. Instead of drawing the jacket off all the way, he started working on Kanda's pants.

"SHIT." Kanda gritted when Lavi loosened the top button with his mouth. Lavi repeated his performance with the jacket zipper, this time on the pants zipper, and raised both eyebrows.

"No underwear today?" He asked, torn between amused and even-more-painfully-aroused-than-before.

"Fuck you." Kanda replied fervently. Lavi relieved him of his pants.

"Maybe later." He agreed.

**

Three very graphic death threats (by Kanda) later, Lavi had his present completely unwrapped. Next was supposed to come the best part, except Kanda was still trying to kick him (and Kanda kicked like a mule). Lavi noted to himself that if he should ever offer himself up to Kanda as a present, he would be much better behaved and willing to do Kanda's every whim.

"You are fucking crazy," Kanda informed him, attempting an armlock, "if you think I'll just-just do what you said. I'm NOT posing like a whore!!"

Lavi managed to get out of that attempted lock and sat on Kanda's kicking-leg. "It's MY birthday," he panted. "What's wrong with a little sexy come-hither? I swear, you are - OW!" His teeth rattled from that head-butt. Kanda took that opportunity to do some really weird, flexible thing (The part of Lavi's brain that wasn't reeling from having his head knocked around pondered the Possibilities of an extremely flexible Kanda), wrapped his legs around Lavi's waist, and the world tilted.

Kanda's bed wasn't precisely soft, but nevertheless Lavi was glad that he hadn't landed on the floor after Kanda's strange twist-throw. The other Exorcist was now sneering down at him, triumphant from his superior position.

Really, trust Kanda to turn everything into a fight. But Lavi can't really complain, as Kanda's superior position still involved a naked, turned-on Kanda straddling his hips. His pants really were getting a bit tight.

Sometimes, very rarely but not impossibly, Kanda seemed to share his brain. This was one of those times. "Why are you still dressed?" he said with an annoyed growl. Lavi shrugged the best he could while flat on his back.

"I dunno, I thought maybe we could have sex while I still had my clothes on," He drawled. "You know. It'd be kinky." He grabbed Kanda's hand before it could get to its destination --whether that was to Lavi's throat to strangle him, or to his bandanna to pull it off was anyone's guess -- and Kanda shifted to bring his other hand to bear. For a few long seconds, they grappled and strained and did everything except have hot sex.

Kanda froze suddenly in the middle of shifting to knee him in the stomach. Lavi flailed a bit, barely missed jabbing the other in the solar plexus, and blinked up at the completely immobile exorcist.

"Um, Yuu?" He ventured. Kanda's breath hissed between his teeth and his eyes were closed. "You okay?" They hadn't aimed for anything below the belt, so Lavi wasn't sure why the fight was ending so abruptly. Their heads had connected a few times, though, and occasionally body parts had met walls or headboards. Lavi blinked as a thought occurred to him. "Did you hit your funny bone?"

Kanda's face was a study in concentration, which rippled slightly when he opened his eyes to glare at Lavi. His voice sounded strangled when he finally spoke. "...not my funny bone."

"Uh...then, what?" But Lavi was starting to get an idea. It helped that he's had the opportunity to see this face before.

"Your. Fucking. Beads." was the short and gritted answer.

"Oh." Lavi replied intelligently. Well, they had been rough-housing and bumping around, and -- he remembered that face. It was Kanda's default expression when he was trying his hardest to not come. The beads must've shifted, and ...sweet spot...GUH. Lavi's brain shorted a little. He propped himself up on his elbows, and that brought their faces closer together. "Hey, Yuu..."

"What?" Kanda said in his 'don't fucking bother me, I'm busy right now' voice.

"Don't get mad at me, okay?" Lavi murmured, and brushed a kiss against those thinned lips. Then, he surged up and shoved Kanda right over.

"OOF! What the fuck--" The rest of Kanda's startled string of expletives was cut off when Lavi kissed him again. The red-head pinned his hands to defend against any attempts at retribution and explored Kanda's mouth fully. He pulled back right before Kanda tried to bite him, and moved his mouth to the other exorcist's jaw, trailing kisses from there to the sensitive spot behind Kanda's ear.

Kanda swore. Lavi decided he liked it when Kanda was being profane. He also liked it when Kanda moaned, and said so. Of course, Lavi should've realized by now that Kanda liked to be contrary. It's his favorite hobby.

It was immediate, the cessation of all sound. Lavi bit him in frustration, before looking up from where he had been very happily occupied in the hollow of Kanda's neck. The other exorcist had freed a hand and jammed it against his mouth. He apparently completely killed his vocal cords. All Lavi was getting was heavy breathing.

"Hey, I protest!" Lavi made sure to say that while his lips were still pressed against interesting places. Kanda's face scrunched but he didn't make a sound. Lavi huffed and bit hard on Kanda's collarbone, glaring when Kanda's eyes flew open. "My birthday, my rules." He pressed the wrist in his grip against the bed to make his point. "No gnawing on your hand, no biting your lip, or I swear by Mugen that I will just leave. You. Like. This." He stroked with his free hand, once, twice, three times. Kanda's hips buckled but Lavi held him down. It was good to not be a beansprout. "Got it?"

Kanda hissed an invective at him. Lavi considered.

"Profanity's okay." He decided; he liked Kanda's dirty mouth, after all (though he's smart enough to not say that now). "Well? Yes or no?"

"...whatever." Kanda snarled. Lavi took that as the closest thing to 'yes' that he'll get.

Whatever, Lavi echoed in his thoughts, and went back to wringing out as many varied sounds as he could get out of Kanda, now that they had the no-self-gagging rule established. 

Kanda’s skin tasted faintly salty, and there was a slight sheen of sweat over his chest. Lavi traced the black tattoo and the flame pattern encircling it, heart to shoulder, heart to pectoral. He chased it along Kanda’s ribs and followed the dips and hollows to his navel, and then lower.

“You bastard,” Kanda was moaning over and over. Lavi hooked a finger through the ring that held the beads, and tugged a little. That earned him a breathy, desperate, “I hate you.”

“Yup, and don’t I know it,” Lavi murmured, tonguing the inside of Kanda’s thigh before moving up to take Kanda in his mouth again. Kanda arched under him, cursing his ancestors and his parents and everything about him, and Lavi teased him mercilessly in retaliation. It was his triumph when Kanda, who had a mean word for every occasion and an insult for every good deed, was finally rendered incapable of coherent sentences. There was something appealing about a Kanda who could only communicate through moans and whimpers and four lettered words not to be repeated in polite company. Lavi hummed, “ready?” 

Without waiting for a response, he pulled at the ring and the beads came out in a string of wet pops. At the same time, he swirled his tongue in a particular evil way, and Kanda arched beneath him, climaxing with a wail.

**

He couldn't wait, not with Kanda still trembling in the aftermath of his own climax, sprawled bonelessly on the bed, wearing nothing but his inky hair. Lavi's blood pounded in his ears as he fumbled his belt loose, opened his pants and somehow got his much-neglected cock out. Kanda groaned when Lavi spread his legs wider, and then moved in one steady thrust.

"SHIT." Kanda threw his head back as Lavi closed his eyes tightly and tried to breathe. So tight, so tight, so good. He hooked those pale legs over his shoulders and shifted, Kanda's eyes widening as his hips were lifted off the bed and he had to scrabble for some sort of leverage or balance.

There was none, in that position. Lavi resigned himself to having very bruised forearms as Kanda gripped them tightly in some attempt to have control. Lavi groaned, his own control hanging on a thin thread. “Don’t move,” he hissed. “Please, _don’t move_.”

Kanda stilled, and then in between an inhale and exhale, Lavi felt him relax in increments, slowly, slowly, until he could hear his own thoughts again over the pounding of his heart and be sure that he wasn’t about to come just by feeling Kanda breathe. He started to move, slowly.

They settled into a rhythm; if Lavi went too fast, Kanda would try to kick him, and if he went too slow...well, Kanda tried to kick him too. That was how Lavi knew he was doing it just right, because Kanda was not trying to inflict any sort of bodily harm on his person, and was in fact making encouraging noises, insofar as "Goddammit, hurry the fuck _up_." can be considered encouraging.

Kanda scrabbled, half clawing and half pulling. Lavi let out an “oof!” as he lost his balance and fell forward, his grip on Kanda's legs slipping, and felt his shirt being tugged up in a less than gentle manner. His world went briefly black-green, and then the shirt was off and his bandanna was askew. Instinctively, he freed one hand to hold his eyepatch in place and Kanda plucked the bandanna off, sending it to the same place Lavi's shirt now rested.

Satisfied, Kanda wrapped his freed legs around Lavi's waist and Lavi buried his face in the hollow of the other exorcist’s neck. There was a tendril of the metastasized tattoo trying to snake up and wrap around Kanda's pulse-point, Lavi closed his eye so he wouldn't have to see it. By his ear, Kanda was panting for him to hurry, hurry, hurry, his voice going rough and his accent thickening.

Lavi wanted to ask why Kanda was always in such a hurry (the hounds of Hell are on his tail) but he didn't have the breath. Instead all he could say was, "ohfuck." when the thing he was running away from caught up with him and the world exploded, all white and perfect.

**

Five minutes later, Kanda roused himself enough to try and kick Lavi out of bed, with incredibly little success. Lavi shucked off his pants (which had lasted and remained on his person for the whole damn thing. Kinky, Lavi decided) and stuck to Kanda like a very annoying, red-headed burr. Right before nodding off, he whispered to himself, "Happy birthday to me."

**

End


	2. Happy Birthday Omake!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omake! The PG-rated morning after.

**

It was nearly eleven when Allen finally made his way down the hall to Kanda’s room. He hadn’t seen Lavi at breakfast after his exercises, and checking the library and the bookman apprentice’s room had yielded no red-head. Bookman was on his way out to a mission sans Lavi, and hadn’t seen his protégé since the night before.

“He’ll come back when he’s ready.” The old man had grumbled before heading off.

Allen wasn’t so sure. After all, Bookman hadn’t been there when Hurricane Kanda had swept in, and while Kanda regularly declared his hatred of people, he seemed awfully serious that time.

So that was how Allen Walker found himself in front of Kanda’s door.

**

“Mmhhgh?” Lavi groaned. His dream of whack-a-mole with his hammer faded into the sight of a semi-familiar room, but the hammering continued.

Next to him, Kanda rolled over and mumbled some obscenities under his breath before going back to slumber-land, handily stealing all the blankets. Lavi envied him, really.

“Kanda? Kanda, are you in there?”

That was the beansprout. Blearily, Lavi rolled out of bed and fumbled around for his pants. Haphazardly he dressed, not bothering to button up his pants or his shirt, and was in the process of putting his bandana on when he opened the door. “Beansprout?” He squinted. “What do you want?”

“Lavi?” Allen stared at him with a mixture of relief and surprise. “So that’s where you were! I was getting worried because I didn’t see you…at…breakfast…”

Lavi blinked, feeling the fuzziness of being abruptly woken recede and his mind becoming sharper. Why was Allen staring at him like that? And wait, _his shirt didn’t have buttons_.

“Ohshit.” Lavi said all in one breath when they both realized what opening up another person’s door first thing in the morning _while wearing their clothes_ implied. At the same time, Allen squeaked, “Lavi—youandKanda?”

“I can explain.” Lavi squeaked back, but then Allen’s eyes widened and focused on something behind the other exorcist.

“Lavi, duck!”

They both dove for the floor as Kanda proved that even half-asleep, his wrath was potentially lethal. One of Lavi’s boots—fished from the floor—was thrown with deadly accuracy at where their heads had been. It flew out the door and impacted against the stone wall on the opposite side before falling with a loud thud to the ground.

“TALK OUTSIDE, DAMMIT!” Kanda yelled, brandishing another boot, and Lavi scrambled over Allen in his haste to vacate the room, yanking the door shut behind him. Another hard thump revealed that he had dodged another boot missile just in time.

“Oh my god.” Allen gasped from where he had rolled to the side to avoid getting a knee in the gut. “Is he always like that in the mornings?”

“Usually worse. At least he didn’t have Mugen handy.” Lavi panted, checking his nose to make sure he didn’t knock it out of joint with his stunt-dive maneuver. “Then he might really kill someone before he wakes up.”

“Oh my god.” Allen said again, and Lavi couldn’t help it. The white-haired exorcist looked over when Lavi made an odd noise. “Lavi?”

“…ppft.” Lavi clamped his hands over his mouth, but still the snickers came out. Allen looked annoyed for a moment until he realized that Lavi wasn’t laughing at him. Then it was just infectious, and soon Allen was chortling along, the two of them laughing in the hall outside of Kanda’s room like maniacs.

“So. You and Kanda.” Allen said after the laughter subsided to chuckles, and then to silence. Lavi stood up and dusted his pants off, buttoning up Kanda’s shirt in an attempt to look more presentable. He would have to get clothes from his room, and hope to retrieve the rest of his stuff later when Kanda was less homicidal and more awake.

Lavi offered a hand and Allen took it, letting Lavi pull him up. “Yup. If you have an opinion, state it now or forever hold your silence, sprout.”

“It’s ALLEN.” Allen also dusted his pants off. He shook his head, trying to dispel the sense of bemusement. “You and _Kanda_. I have nothing against it, but you can do better.”

Lavi snickered. “Hey, that’s not fair. Since you’ve already stolen the most gorgeous girl in the Order, it’s only fair that I score the hottest guy.”

“I-Linali-we’re not-!” Allen stuttered, turning red, and then realized his mistake when Lavi’s grin stretched out into a purely evil expression. “No changing the subject!”

“Hmmmmm, the beansprout’s got a girlllll.” Lavi singsonged, strutting off with his hands behind his head, Allen hurrying after him after a second’s hesitation.

“AND,” Allen inserted firmly, even though his face was still slightly pink, “Kanda’s not the hottest guy. He’s too…girly.”

“Ooooh, don’t let him hear you say that,” Lavi raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was the consensus that Kanda was the hottest thing here, should I be chasing someone else?”

“Only if you’re a narcissist.” Allen muttered. Lavi raised _both_ eyebrows and Allen coughed. “Don’t get me wrong, I _don’t_ like you that way, but,” Allen forged on bravely and loyally, “I think you’re hotter than Kanda.”

“…” Lavi blinked and actually stopped walking for a second. “…..AW. Beansprout!” He got Allen in a headlock and started messing up the white hair. “That’s _so_ sweet!”

“It’s ALLEN, and ow, let go, hey!”

**  
End

**Author's Note:**

> ...I'd be embarrassed I wrote this, but...*checks* Nope, no damns given anymore. I guess along with all the aches and pains and decrease in overall stats that comes with age, it's nice to not to be so sensitive about stuff like this anymore?


End file.
